Plus, the truth is often not as bad as the stories that many cheated-on partners have made up in their head.
That said, the process of disclosure should not be undertaken without the guidance of an experienced couples’ therapist who understands the nature of infidelity and its aftermath.
Usually the betrayed partner has very basic questions, and needs straightforward support.
Unlike friends and family, a professional therapist is not emotionally invested in your relationship.No matter what, your kids don’t need to hear highly judgmental statements or graphic details.Usually it is best if you and your spouse sit them down and tell them something like, “Your mom/dad and I are having some difficulties right now, but we’re trying to work through them.In fact, you and your spouse are likely to struggle with trust issues for 9 to 18 months after initial disclosure – and that’s if the cheating stops and he or she becomes rigorously honest and abides by whatever boundaries you’ve established. You and your spouse’s new level of honesty and forthright sharing could actually help you become more emotionally intimate than ever. Believe it or not, I’ve had couples tell me (after they’re well into the process of healing) that infidelity was the best thing that ever happened to them because it uncovered the cracks in their relationship and forced them both to become better partners.And no, the newly created trust will not be the same as the pre-cheating trust. Robert Weiss LCSW, CSAT-S is Senior Vice President of National Clinical Development for Elements Behavioral Health.